Dazed and Confused

These are two words that describe my life very accurately right now. It's an interesting place to be. Your mind is caught in two different worlds as you get excited about going home and dread leaving at the same time.

I've been in front of this computer all day - making check lists, wrapping up finances for a couple of the projects we have been working on, making more check lists, planning Bible studies in our absence, making even more check lists, visiting with visitors who tend to stop by right in the middle of my most productive moments, and did I already mention making check lists?

After dinner, I left the computer to enjoy some time with David (our guard) and his family. We sat outside, watched the kids play and just enjoyed laughing. Within minutes, David, his wife Kate, their son Andrew, Ruth, Jill, the kids and myself were all together. This isn't so unusual, it just hit me hard tonight that this is a part of Uganda I will miss dearly. God designed me for this - to fellowship and build relationships and disciple others. The slow pace of life in Uganda lends itself well to this task. While I'm excited about being home (and I think we all desperately need it right now), I'm not sure I'm quite ready for the fast pace of life again. I'm not sure I'm quite ready for fast internet, reliable electricity, water that stays on every day, fast food, and good coffee. This life has become normal. On some days, I find that quite disturbing and other days I'm overjoyed that it just feels right.

It's really a confusing place to be. I was standing in the kitchen before I went outside to visit and thought to myself, "how will I ever be able to leave America to come back here?" After five minutes outside I had my answer......those that know me, know that it doesn't take much to capture my heart.....this country and these people have done just that.

I'm a little dazed that we have roughly a month until we come home and at the same time a little dazed in thinking through how much of life I will miss here while home. I'm a whole lot confused about these conflicting emotions of leaving behind a place I was so ready to leave 10 months ago and the tears that come to my eyes when I think about hugging your necks and sharing about these last 10 months.

So.....there I am.......dazed and confused.....wouldn't want it to be any different I don't think!